We had decided to move back to England and we were selling our beautiful house. We had so many deep conversations around that time about what our priorities were in life. When we sold our house we both knew that no matter what it involved the only thing that really mattered was that we became parents. So we decided to use the money from our house for treatment. This was not necessarily a popular choice as it meant we stayed in Australia but our desire to have a child was more powerful than it had ever been and was the most important thing to us in the world. I would literally have done absolutely anything it took.
I found another clinic which offered a slightly cheaper treatment option and we booked an initial consultation, three years after our first fertility appointment. Immediately I got a different feel from this one. The nurse was amazing and the fertility specialist we met was wonderful. He was so super positive and said he would have me pregnant by Christmas (bearing in mind it was November this just seemed absolutely crazy!) We left that appointment with a completely different feeling than any others and were confident that it was going to happen for us.
Luckily my period came at the right time and we were able to start treatment pretty quickly. I had to take injections for two weeks. They were not nice and my stomach ended up pretty bruised but it didn't matter to me. If they could give me a baby I would have taken 100 every day!
My follicles grew well and it looked like I would have a good number of eggs. When I was due for my egg collection my fertility specialist he was not happy with the size of the follicles and suggested we wait three more days for them to grow. I was really nervous that he was going to cancel my cycle as it had not developed well enough. The next few days were an anxious wait but luckily the next scan showed success and I could go ahead.
I was put under general anaesthetic and as I was wheeled into theatre I will always vividly remember him dancing to ACDC 'You Shook Me All Night Long'! When I woke up I had to recover before I could get to the clinic and find out how many eggs we got. My husband had 'done his bit' whilst I was in theatre and was waiting for me.
He happily told me that they had collected 17 eggs. It was all looking really positive. We thought with such a high number it meant that we would definitely get success, even if not this cycle it would give us enough to freeze for future treatments. I excitedly called the clinic the next day to find out how many eggs had been fertilized and was told that there were 14 of them. I was very happy with this number as it meant the chances were still looking high.
We had to leave it a few more days before calling again and the next time I called there were only 7 that were developing as they'd hope. I was pretty disappointed but 7 still seemed like a good number. We were only transferring one and there would be six left to freeze.
We went in for our transfer on a Saturday morning. We met with the embryologist beforehand where she explained what had happened with our embryos. She gave us the news that we only had one embryo that had made it far enough along to have any chance at all. However, she warned us that whilst this one was good enough to try, it was not a high grade embryo and they were not really expecting it to be a success.
This was very upsetting news. After coming so far and feeling so good all the way through the cycle the most important part was filled with disappointment. They went ahead with my transfer and I tried to think positive. I was going out of my mind in that two week weight. I obsessed about anything that could have been a pregnancy symptom and flipped between convincing myself it had worked to thinking it hadn't so I wouldn't get my hopes up. I was desperate to take a test ahead of time, but I resisted the urge as I really didn't want to know at the same time! The longer I didn’t test, the longer I was pregnant until proven otherwise!
I've had to split this into three parts as I really want you to get a feel for how involved the process can be. My third and final instalment will be available on my blog soon.